To get the ball rolling I’ll start with one of my very first historic crushes. I developed a taste for such crushes during my home schooled days (yes I’m one of “those” but that doesn’t explain my quirks... because I've always had those). The city library, an old 1970’s cement block of a building, was my babysitter, and probably the best one any child could have! Within this realm of fantasy and fact, I fell in love with lands real and imagined, figures both fictional and factual, and developed passions for literature and history (these passions would later vie for assertion of power over one another during my college days).
This first crush definitely set the bar for all later crushes. I can remember a few times in high school when I compared my classmates to this particular crush. Finding my fellow classmates sorely lacking (because anyone will admit that the following crush is freaking awesome in a variety of ways), I gleefully ignored them and frolicked off into the sunset to find someone more worthy of my time.
May I present to you: (cue confetti exploding, trumpets playing, ladies dancing, and men turning green with envy) ALEXANDER HAMILTON!
Born somewheres around January 11, 1755 or 1757 (the exact date is unknown and who cares about exactness when all we care about is a time machine that could take us back so that we can experience him without a textbook between us), on the island of Nevis, British West Indies. The result of an adulterous affair, his French mum (I could be stereotypical and say “duh” in reference to the baby-making affair—but I love the French so I won’t…or did I just inadvertently do so?) was thrown out of the house and prior to Hamilton’s birth married a Scottish trader. Hamilton and his lovely mum were abandoned soon after his birth and left destitute. Part of what makes him so crush worthy is that he rose up from such “humble” beginnings and John Adams wasn’t so far off when he described Hamilton as "the bastard brat of a Scottish peddler" (I wish politicians still spoke like this today!)
Hamilton was tenacious to a whole new level. He took his first job at 11, and he worked as a clerk until he was around 16. He was obviously more impressive than most teenagers are these days (the “strawberry” generation today continues to scare me with their FB posts of “Oh mah gawd I so totally wanna buy that new Dolce bag! My parents are soooo stupid!”)
He was such a rock star that after enrolling in King’s College (later named Columbia University) he decided to ditch the studies and instead defend the colonist’s cause (wish I could’ve had a noble reason for slacking on my studies) as the colonies seemed on the brink of a revolution. He was definitely a hands-on kind of guy (*wink wink*), and left King’s College to learn in a more direct way, down in the political trenches of the time.
He quickly traded political trenches for true battle (something not many politicians of our day do) ones and in 1775 Hamilton became part of the New York Artillery Company (I do so admire a man who’s good with a gun). He was so good with his gun (I swear no innuendo intended, though it is rather ironic since he was considered good with the ladies) he was promoted to lieutenant colonel and was made Washington’s assistant. He was good with his pen as well as his gun (I can’t seem to stop now) and from 1777 to 1792 he wrote most of Washington’s critical letters, made reports on strategic reforms and restructuring of the army, and was so amazingly brilliant that he managed to convince New Yorkers to agree (that’s amazing enough) to ratify the U.S. Constitution.
It was around this time that he married me (well my young mind often daydreamed in boring classes that it was me). Actually, he married a very wealthy New Yorker named Elisabeth Schuyler (I wonder if she went around saying, “Elisabeth with an ‘s,’” the way Anne did with her “e.”) and I’d like to say they had a happy marriage but alas I am not privy to such knowledge. I can say that married life, in addition to a desk job, was enough to drive him back into battle. He charged the British like a true b.a. m.o. (probably made a number of them cry because they knew they’d never be as cool as him) and only stopped being so amazingly awesome, with his gorgeous locks flowing in the winds of victory, when Cornwallis surrendered (he probably didn’t like the idea of meeting Hamilton on the field of battle since he knew he’d never shine as bright as our man Hamilton).
No matter though, even after toting a gun and smelling like a man in uniform, he went on to give a new spin on the mental image of “male secretary” (making it downright sexy in my opinion) and served as the nation's first secretary of the treasury from 1789 to 1795 (ironic, since we now see him “all the time” on the $10; unless you’re a poor student or just otherwise poor…not at all speaking from experience here). It was here that he set about trying to pump up the nation into a true-blue, bum-kicking machine. He was definitely part of the success of that endeavor since France, having had silly thoughts that it could grab a piece of newly established American soil, decided against getting it's bum whooped and signed a peace agreement in 1800.
Having made his mark in the higher political offices, and being a man of action, Hamilton decided to study law (possibly in hopes that he could sue his former rivals). What’s interesting here is that as a lawyer Hamilton ended up defending more Loyalists (those who’d been insistent upon following those men with sexy accents aka the British) than former rebels. He was involved in many important cases that helped shape the law system into what it is today. He also, just for fun, helped found the Bank of New York. Some of his colleagues, however, thought he had his hands in too many cookie jars
At the time, not to make it any more confusing, vice presidents were voted for separately from presidents and because of such Aaron Burr (its cold in here) became tied for Jefferson for presidency. Of course Jefferson was not a fan of Burr and often left Burr out of his decisions after their inauguration (rejected!). He disliked the man with the funny last name so much that he actually removed Burr from his ticket in the 1804 reelection. Burr knew a burn when he felt one and instead ran for New York governorship. The poor guy lost (I wouldn’t be surprised if his prized beagle also ran away with his wife at the time too)!
It comes as no surprise that Hamilton, being completely incapable of keeping his mouth shut (and that’s part of why he’s a crush of mine), royally pissed off Burr when he called Burr "the most unfit and dangerous man of the community." (Oh no he didn’t!) His eyes twitching, fuses burst, Burr demanded an explanation from the beautiful “fiend” Hamilton. Hamilton refused to reply, like the B.A. brat that he was, so Burr challenged Hamilton to a duel (wish we still settled disputes like this…or like this: proper way to solve an issue). Hamilton only said yes because he hoped that by getting his bum whooped, Burr would learn a lesson and be useful for a change.
At dawn on July 11, 1804 the duel commenced. Both men drew their weapons (sadly they weren’t phase pistols) and fired. Hamilton, my dear, sweet Hamilton, was fatally wounded. I believe leprechauns were jealous of Hamilton’s witty humor and feared for their gold and caused him to fire too wide, his bullet completely missing Burr. A star stopped shining on July 12 when Hamilton succumbed to his wounds and sailed to the Grey Havens where he is currently sipping tea with Boramir, who incidentally did not die either (just roll with it okay?).Perhaps you have developed a crush by now, or you fear for your sanity as well as mine. In any case there’s much to be appreciated about Alexander Hamilton. Not only is his name deliciously sexy but his “I don’t give a flying monkey what you think is right by you, it’s all about the PEOPLE” coupled with his beautiful hair, piercing eyes, athletic physique, etc. all mix together to form a cocktail of crush worthy awesomeness.
The opinions and witticisms came from…somewhere strange inside my mind. Very difficult to cite the exact location…
Much of my "spot-on" information came from the following website and not from a time machine and incessant stalking:
"Alexander Hamilton." 2013. The Biography Channel website. Jan 31 2013, 09:21 http://www.biography.com/people/alexander-hamilton-9326481.